Smooth Opereader

"Wrinkle and the Big Red Dog."

“Wrinkle and the Big Red Dog.”

Where are they now? I’m not talking about The Human League, or Men at Work, or The Village People (apparently 80’s bands wanted everyone to know they were members of the human race, and not cross-dressing robots like we all suspected), although I would love to hear The Human League perform someplace other than supermarkets and elevators. Actually, I was referring to the second grade classmate Wife and I both remember as The Girl Who Always Read Hard Books. For anonymity’s sake, let’s call her GWARHB. Not only was Gwarhb taller and better mannered than the rest of us chocolate-milk guzzling neophytes, but she carried a dog-eared paperback edition of A Wrinkle In Time with her onto the playground, into the cafeteria, gymnasium, auditorium, and even to the Principal’s Office, where, I have to assume, she volunteered her time balancing the elementary school budget for that fiscal quarter. Of course, I didn’t notice any of this until my first Scholastic book order arrived: Clifford the Big Red Dog and a picture-book about frogs. Suddenly, Gwarhb was making me painfully aware of My First Inferiority Complex® (all-rights reserved by Mattel), and I knew what I had to do to make things right: read the book with the flying horse and scary blue guy on the cover. I can’t tell you what the book was about, but I can tell you that I felt like a Big Kid holding it in my hands. And that, my friends, is why I never started smoking cigarettes. Thanks, Gwarhb.