Modern Callar

Captain snootypants.

What’s black and white and growls like a tiger?

If you guessed tiger, you’re wrong. Besides, there’s no such thing as a black and white tiger. Wait, is there? Let me google that real quick. Ah. I stand corrected. According to Wikipedia, the white tiger is a “recessive mutant of the Bengal tiger.” Wow. That’s a pretty harsh description. You’d think the editor of the white tiger Wikipedia page has something against white tigers. Maybe they were mauled by a white tiger, and have been on a smear campaign ever since. I feel sorry for anyone who makes the mistake of bringing up white tigers in this person’s presence. They’d be like, “Oh, white tigers? Let me tell you something about white tigers. They’re no-good mutant freaks and I hate them.”

I’ve gotten off topic.

The correct answer to my original query is “Modern Dance.” See, Wife’s Christmas present was two tickets to the Boston Ballet’s presentation of esteemed Czech-Nederlands modern dance choreographer Jiří Kylián’s (yes, that Czech-Nederlands modern dance choreographer Jiří Kylián) better known works. One of his pieces, entitled “Tar and Feathers,” features, among other things, a pianist playing a piano on ten foot stilts, a giant pile of white bubble wrap, and dancers in black leotards growling like tigers.

And that wasn’t even the craziest part.

The craziest part of the show was watching the two high society women sitting in front of us have a muted argument that began when Ms. Snooty Pants A refused to move her legs as Ms. Snooty Pants B was trying to get to her seat. Ms. Snooty Pants B then “accidentally” hit Ms. Snooty Pants A in the face with her fur shawl as she was removing it. Ms. Snooty Pants A demanded an apology, Ms. Snooty Pants B refused, and the two spent the rest of the performance silently growling at each other with their eyes.

Best show I’ve ever seen.