Forbidden Fruits

"I can stop using it any time I want."

“I can stop using it any time I want.”

Let’s make a deal. You stop fussing, and I’ll let you hold The Precious. But only for a few seconds. We both know that, when put into the wrong hands, especially grubby saliva-covered baby hands, The Precious is capable of terrible things. Things like: accidentally overnighting an inflatable hot tub to our house, or sending cryptic messages to my boss, or secretly recording me, in my bathrobe, trying to choke down black coffee because we ran out of sweetener. Of course, you don’t care about all that. You just like The Precious because it is shiny and beautiful and makes little buzzing noises that have been training you like a pavlovian dog since you were an infant. You’ve also had plenty of time to observe me with The Precious. You’ve seen the way my eyes glow with the reflection of The Precious’ artificial luminance. You’ve seen me lovingly pet The Precious by swiping my finger up and down, left and right, over its smooth, flat belly. You see, I’m a lost cause. Once upon a time, I was taking a stroll through an Enchanted Big Box Store, when a horrible little Sales Nymph used a Discount Hex to force me to fall in love with the first thing I saw: The Precious. Ever since then, I’ve been powerless to resist The Precious’ call to waste hours reading internet comments written by sociopaths and playing Free-to-Play games that would make Sisyphus want to get back to rolling his ball. Where once sat a boy with ambition and purpose, now slumps a man crippled by instant and artificial gratification. But there is still hope for you, my darling child. That is why you must never stare into the crystal abyss of The Precious’ Great Eye for more than a few seconds. Ooo, it buzzed! Give us back The Precious! Give it back to us neeeeeooooooow!

 

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25 thoughts on “Forbidden Fruits

  1. Brilliant. Funny and shrewd all at the same time. Sometimes I think people’s inability to put down their phones will be the downfall of civilization. Either that or anything to do with the Jenner/Kardashian clan.

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  2. Very funny. I know what Precious means. This world is hell for the younger generations. Technology, post-processed food, and earphones constantly in their ears. But I don’t complain, I rather stay away from the social media and dwell more into sacred places, carefully hidden from Sauron’s minions.

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  3. so true. I think it is best to keep technology and TV away from kids as long as possible. It is a loosing battle. We tried it with our oldest, but when she went to school the other kids would talk about the shows they watched.
    They will spend so much of their lives with “The Precious”, shouldn’t we try to keep them free from it’s powers for at least the first few years of their lives?

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