The new wave is here. Now, before you go thinking I’m a cool UPS guy announcing that the microwave you ordered has arrived, allow me to elaborate. Kid has learned how to wave, and it’s freaking me out. What does this mean for her future? Does her talent for waving mean she will, one day, be a famous politician greeting citizens on the campaign trail, or a sign-holder for a sandwich shop grabbing the attention of lunch-hour traffic? Or, she could be waving at me in the way that a mobster waves at a snitch before taking them out. “See ya later, buddy boy.” That would explain why Cat has been ripping his mouse toys to smithereens: practice. He and Kid must be involved in a conspiracy to oust me as Head of Household, probably so they can list me as a dependent on their jointly filed tax return and collect a major refund. What’s that? You’ve never heard of The Meow-Meow Baby Tax Scam? It was invented by an Egyptian hairless and her five-month-old business associate in the mid-80’s. Lifetime was developing a film adaptation of their best-selling tell-all, “Cat Tax Fever,” but then Grumpy Cat blew up and the project got shelved indefinitely. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: if your baby starts waving at you, be sure to submit form 1080Z4 to the IRS as soon as possible, as it protects you from all cat-baby fraud conspiracies heretoforehencewith. You’re welcome.