A Crockpot Idea

"Now you too can have a taste of history."

“Now you too can have a taste of history.”

I’m about to open a time capsule. Except it’s not a letter stuffed in a coffee can from 1992. It’s a goulash stuffed in a slow cooker from 12:45 PM. Exciting, isn’t it? I wonder what sweet potatoes from 6 hours ago taste like. What did people look like at lunchtime? I bet they all wore hats and read the newspaper and poked each other with their canes until things got heated and a full-out cane-fight happened. I bet hot dogs were less expensive back then. What about me? Was I a dreamer? Was I so young and naive that I thought two pounds of sweet potatoes, a tablespoon of sweet paprika, a teaspoon of smoked paprika, a bunch of black beans, some sauteed onions, and a bunch of garlic would taste good after only 6 hours? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. The thing about slow cookers, or crackpots, as the Guffawing Uncle in my brain likes to call them, is that they cater to people with attention deficit proclivities. Don’t believe me? Well, can you think of anything else in life that defines success by having you perform a series of tasks and then DOING SOMETHING ELSE FOR HALF A DAY? Someone should open up an Attention Deficit Diner. It would consist of Guy Fieri lookalike waiters taking your order, bringing the raw ingredients to your table, and then dumping them into your lap before driving off into the sunset, laughing (very slowly). But before I start taking meetings with angel investors, I’ve got to eat this time capsule. Smells like naivete!


7 thoughts on “A Crockpot Idea

  1. If this was Shark Tank, I would turn my back on you and spit on your Attention Deficit Diner as soon as you mentioned Guy Fieri.
    I’ve never understood slow cookers (which, until recently, I only knew as Crock Pots). Yes, I get the concept, but is no one else deathly afraid of fire hazards? I can’t cook spaghetti without the water foaming over, god knows what damage I can do when I’m cooking something while I’m not even at home.


    • Sounds like you need the Crock Not. It’s like a crockpot, only not. It can be yours for only twenty-three payments of $4.99.

      How’d I do, Sharks?



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