The media is out of control. Day-in and day-out, we are bombarded with a misrepresentation of reality so gross it makes us wonder if we are conscious or dreaming. No, I’m not talking about the widespread use of Photoshop to make cheeseburgers look 10 years younger. I’m talking, of course, about baby snot suckers. For the uninitiated, a snot sucker is small rubber tube that connects your mouth – the thing that you eat with – to the snot-filled nostril of your baby. If you are currently thinking, “Hey, those two things should not ever be connected,” congratulations, you’re sane! Unfortunately, millions of parents around the world do not share your valuable skill of thinking and behaving in a normal and rational manner. Instead, they see a photo of a Swede sucking mucus out of an infant with a crazy straw and pull out their wallets. Don’t believe me? The NoseFrida, a self-described “Snotsucker Nasal Aspirator” (paging H.G. Wells!) is currently the #1 Bestseller in Baby Grooming & Health Kits on Amazon.com. And do you know why it’s a #1 Bestseller? Because babies can’t write Amazon.com reviews. If my baby could write a review for the NoseFrida, it would read something like this, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET THAT THING AWAY FROM MY FACE HOLES YOU PSYCHOPATH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” But don’t take my baby’s word for it. You too can experience the abhorrent sensation of having your snot stolen by placing your vacuum’s crevice attachment over your nose and turning it on. Enjoy!