Nineteen Baby Four

"Baby Brother is always watching."

“Baby Brother is always watching.”

I’m being watched. No, I’m not referring to the latest internet planking-type craze that involves creeping up on unsuspecting strangers and fastening pocket watches to their clothing without them noticing—that’s dumb. I mean, who thinks it’s funny to waste a perfectly good pocket watch in this manner? No…seriously…who clipped this watch to my shorts? And this one to my shirt collar? WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?!? Actually, I was referring to the Orwellian baby monitor perched on our nightstand, which is currently casting a lovely radioactive hue across the entire bedroom, and parts of our neighborhood. See, Wife and I received this device – we’ll call it Baby Brother – as a shower gift, and it has been keeping a close eye on our daughter and/or potential un-sanctioned anti-establishment affiliated activities, conversations, or midnight snacks (all-natural peanut butter is the opiate of the enemy). Baby Brother features the latest advances in creepy surveillance technology, including a microphone (bug), a temperature gauge (brain wave manipulator), and night-vision (night-vision). All this thing needs is mechanical wings and a pellet gun and we’ll be official police state parents. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’VE GOT TO GO PUT THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON MY PAINTING OF OUR GLORIOUS OVERSEER, BABY BROTHER. [reaches into pocket, pulls out another watch, screams]



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