It’s a boy! Wife and I are thrilled to announce the arrival of a brand new addition to our family: a beautiful, 200-pound father. He has blond hair, blue eyes, and has already had his wisdom teeth removed, which seemed to both baffle and delight the labor and delivery staff. It may sound cliche, but having a father really is as amazing as everyone says it is. Food tastes better. Lawnmowers sound better. Bad jokes seem funnier. Sure, fathers get very, very fussy if they haven’t eaten in a few seconds, but I’ve found that all it takes to calm them down is a bowl of pork sausage and a nap. Another thing that makes fathers super upset is pooping their pants. I think the most exciting thing about having a father is watching them grow up. Well, actually, they don’t grow up as much as they grow sideways (especially after a few weeks of quiche, macaroni and cheese, and lasagna dinners delivered by friends and family), but it’s growth nonetheless. What’s that? You don’t want to hear about our new father–you want to hear about the baby I’m holding? Ah. Well, it’s a girl, and she’s perfect. Happy now?