The Bathrobe Gamble

"We should do this more often."

“We should do this more often.”

I’m not much of a gambler. I don’t play fast and loose with money, I tend to heed the food pyramid (except on weekends when it’s more of a portly sphinx), and I never attempt splits during dance contests. So when I tell you that I decided to bring the trash out to the curb this morning in my bathrobe – my very purple, very fluffy bathrobe – understand that this decision was one of the biggest gambles of my life to date. What makes going outside your house in a bathrobe a gamble, you ask? Well, if you make it out and back  without being spotted, you have just saved yourself the aggravation of having to don socially acceptable clothing for something as unceremonious as retrieving the mail (my mail doesn’t care what I look like). BUT, if a neighbor sees you braving the elements in a purple sloth tuxedo, you will be forever referred to at block parties as The Guy Who Goes Out in His Robe. There is only one scenario that is worse than being caught outdoors in your bathrobe by a neighbor, and that is being caught outdoors in your bathrobe by a neighbor who is also in a bathrobe. That, my friends, is the Holy Grail of coincidental mutual shame. At that point, you might as well fire up the grill and invite them over for a bathrobe-a-cue. But back to The Biggest Gamble of My Life To Date. You’re probably wondering if I won or lost, and the answer is… TO BE CONTINUED.

 

Just kidding. I lost. I lost hard.

 

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9 thoughts on “The Bathrobe Gamble

  1. You could probably get away with it pre- 8:30am as it’s still a socially acceptable time to be in a bathrobe (or dressing gown as we call it this side of the pond). It’s become a trend for people to wear pj’s to the hops in certain less affluent area’s around here. I one saw a woman in the supermarket, entirely unembarrassed, wearing pjs, dressing gown holding a cup of coffee in her own mug. That’s dedication.

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  2. And here I sit this morning in my own PJs and looking out the window at our newest snow storm. Contemplating whether or not I should attempt to open the front door to check the mail (which box is hanging off the porch railing). I think not. With my luck I figure I’d slide off the icy porch and hit my head on the sidewalk, and the paramedics would find me STILL IN MY PJs. Much too potentially embarrassing. Thanks for making me laugh, as you usually do.

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    • That’s why you gotta complete the look with a bike helmet and elbow pads. Hey, you’re going for function over form right? The pleasure is all mine!

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