He Sees You When You’re Eating

"You better tip me or I'll bring you a box of coal next time."

“You better tip me or I’ll bring you a box of coal next time.”

I’ve got a riddle for you. A young married couple decides they are going to order out for every single meal over the course of several weeks, yet they do not suffer massive weight gain. How is this possible? Stumped? Well, I’ll give you a hint: the couple is having their groceries delivered. Wait, that wasn’t a hint – that was the answer. Remind me to never apply for a job as a riddle-asking bridge troll. Anyway, as you’ve no doubt deduced using your powers of deducement, that young married couple is Wife and I. And we couldn’t be happier with our arrangement. No more hunting for parking spots. No more using shopping carts like cattle plows just to get to the tuna. No more loading up on bags of jumbo marshmallows because the strategically-placed display tricks your brain into thinking you must haz them. With just a few clicks, our groceries are loaded onto a magical sleigh (delivery truck) and flown (driven) to our doorstep (doorstep) by a special individual I like to call “Santa Shaws.” Sure, Santa Shaws doesn’t always deliver our full shopping list due to inventory shortages, but who can blame him? He’s got to make, like, dozens of deliveries to people all over the town, and that’s just one day! Some people don’t believe in Santa Shaws. They say he’s only for the lazy and agoraphobics. But I’ll never stop believing in the wonder and magic that is a balding, paunchy man in a track suit filling your refrigerator with food while you sleep. Just kidding about that last part.

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11 thoughts on “He Sees You When You’re Eating

  1. Fantastic publish, very informative. I’m wondering why the opposite specialists of this sector do not realize this. You must continue your writing. I am confident, you have a great readers’ base already!|What’s Taking place i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I have discovered It positively helpful and it has aided me out loads. I am hoping to contribute & aid different customers like its aided me. Good job.

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  3. I hate grocery shopping, but that’s probably because I’m not very good at it. I constantly backtrack or forget something in the dairy section. And I’m always in a hurry in the grocery store. I think you just inspired a post on my website. Great drawings.

    Like

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