Zen and the Art of Pancake Maintenance

"What's that, boy? A pancake needs my help?"

“What’s that, boy? A pancake needs my help?”

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who can make pancakes, and those who fill the house with smoke and get raw batter on the ceiling. Guess which one I am? If you guessed B…you’re WRONG! Shame on you for doubting me. Actually, it’s Wife who can’t make pancakes to save her life (Can you imagine having to make pancakes to save your life? I’m picturing an aproned James Bond with a luger trained on him as he frantically whisks Bisquick in an evil villain’s stainless steel kitchen. Plot twist: the evil villain is Martha Stewart.) The funny thing is that Wife is great at making the batter, getting the pan ready, and ladling the perfect sized pancake. So what’s her achilles heel? The flip. Once she gets to the flip, all bets are off. It’s like watching a talented gymnast have a complete breakdown in the middle of a brilliant performance. Luckily, I am an expert when it comes to rehabilitating pancakes after they have suffered a botched flip. Sure, they may not look like a pancake now, but after hundreds of hours of physical therapy, psychological evaluations, and motivational speeches that are liberally sprinkled with promises of one day making it to the big show (IHOP), they get back on that spatula and do what they were born to do. Drown in syrup and get shoveled into my mouth.

 

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