Are you sitting down? Because I’m standing up. No, I’m not dictating this to Wolfgang, my German amanuensis who acts as combination stenographer and bratwurst consultant. Besides, Wolfgang doesn’t understand English (a bit of an oversight during my search for a literary assistant capable of taking dictation), and also, he doesn’t exist. Sigh. Perhaps someday, when the Cat Joke Blog Executives hand me a giant check that is in the shape of a cat, I will have enough money to send for a person named Wolfgang by cross-Atlantic steamship. Until then, my dear Wolfgang. Until then. Where was I? Oh, right. Standing! I recently invested in a standing desk, and it has drastically improved my productivity. As a former sitter, I was constantly inventing the most inane excuses to walk away from my work. Some of my greatest hits included “Maybe I Should Get Another Soda,” and “I Wonder If Anything Interesting Is Happening in the Supply Closet,” and who could forget the timeless classic, “I Probably Have ADD?” But thanks to my standing desk, those mind numbing tunes are no longer anywhere near my personal Top 40. And besides being better for you back and metabolism, standing desks allow you the glorious option to work in
the nude your bathrobe. Seriously, have you ever tried sitting in an office chair in the nude your bathrobe? It’s not a good feeling.