The Insurance Clause

"Teacher says every time a bell rings an angel gets its twenty year term life policy."

“Teacher says every time a bell rings an angel gets its twenty year term life policy.”

It’s December.

A magical, wondrous month filled with snowflakes, piping hot cups of caooacoaoa (sp?), and, of course…

Life Insurance.

Yes, now that Wife and I are in the feared Twenlights (twilight of our twenties), we have decided to celebrate the Most Wonderful Time of the Year with Holiday HIPAA Consent Forms, Merry Medical Information Bureau Weigh-Ins, and – who could forget? – the Festive Fireside Conversations About the Locomotive of Death Hurtling Towards Us With the Power of a Million Hell-Horses.

No wonder our parents never told us about Life Insurance when we were kids – they were hoarding all the fun for themselves!!!

After all, nothing gets you into the Christmas Spirit faster than being told your height to weight ratio puts you in the “Standard Plus” category of policy-holders. Well, nothing except also being told that if you gain any more weight you will be taxed in the form of a higher monthly premium.

Oh, and um, hey, kids? Did you know that if you have smoked *a* cigar within the last six months, you might as well be a smoking cowboy on a billboard in Times Square in the eyes of Big Life Insurance, and that this DOUBLES your rate? Wow!

I just can’t wait for that special morning when I get to tear open that invoice, write a check for the amount due, and slip it in the mail. And the best part? I get to do this every month for the rest of my life!

Move over Santa. Christmas now comes twelve times a year in this household.


7 thoughts on “The Insurance Clause

  1. Nice work as always Will! I had a similar catharsis when I was 26 and married at the time. Former wife and I visited a financial planner and he asked if we had started saving for our kids’ college tuition. With confused glances at one another, and the thoughts we were still paying (and going to be for while) our own student loans and didn’t even have children, it really hit home we were adults and being an adult means everything costs money!!



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