Yankee Doodle Smelly

"I don't know how they do it, but this smells EXACTLY like Rancid Garbage. Just remarkable."

“I don’t know how they do it, but this smells EXACTLY like Rancid Garbage. Just remarkable.”

Do you smell that?

No? That’s strange, because I’m holding it right under your nose. Here, let me help you out by shoving it into your face. Oh, wait – the lid’s still on. One second.

By now, you’ve probably guessed that Wife and I are in a Yankee Candle on a Candle Huffing Date, which is a truly, truly remarkable guess. Great job.

The particular candle we are currently whiffing, “Marshmallow Factory Explosion,” would be about as subtle as a dump truck off-roading in the White Mountains to any mammal with a decent pair of nostrils. But since we are awkward, over-evolved humans, and not adorable basset hound puppies, the scent is just strong enough to elicit a meager, “Oh, yea…it does kinda smell like an exploding marshmallow factory. Heh. Oo, let’s try that one!”

I’m not sure why Candle Huffing is so fun.

Maybe it’s because my sense of smell is so weak that the moment I step into a candle shop I feel like Neo in The Matrix when he wakes up in that giant pudding snack cup and uses his eyes for the first time.

Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to date.

Whatever it is, I lo-ooooo-ve Candle Huffing. Wife loves it too. Forget dinner and a movie. This is our new jam.

I’m not sure the teenager working the cash register loved it, though. She just stood there while we smelled over fifty different candles, watching us like we were tweaking glue sniffers touring an Elmer’s plant.

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15 thoughts on “Yankee Doodle Smelly

  1. Reblogged this on Toblog and commented:
    Imagine–people actually go to Yankee Candle to Have Fun. This blows my mind. I think of Yankee Candle in the same way that lots of my leftie friends think about Yankee Nuclear, as a toxic mess that should be shut down, now!

    Like

  2. I was recently taught the proper way to smell a jar candle: take off the lid and sniff the lid, not the candle. The lid holds the “real” smell of the candle, or so my self-taught instructor/friend claims. What I want to know is: does anyone ever light these candles? I dust mine, from time to time, but I’ve never lit them.

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  3. I think I have a better-than-average sense of smell and Yankee Candles typically knock my socks off. It’s the same overwhelmed feeling I get when I walk past a Bath & Bodyworks store. I’ve effectively felt smacked in the face with a bat made out of vanilla, mango, and some sort of berry.

    Like

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