Have you ever wondered what elementary school gym class would have been like if everyone was on steroids?
Well, I have. At least, I used to, until Wife and I joined an adult dodgeball league. In other words: I now know what elementary school gym class would have been like if everyone was on steroids.
It’s almost as if all the kids in my fourth grade gym class, which was taught by Coach Panic Attack, skipped grades five through PhD and went straight to Russian boot camp, only to return to the Greater Boston Area seventeen years later to compete in an intramural dodgeball league for young professionals looking to meet new people.
There’s Eric, the annoying kid with the rat tail who always cheated (he still cheats, but has an earing instead of the rat tail now).
There’s Katie, the exceptional athlete who made you all look like chumps (she’s now a former Olympic athlete).
There’s John, the portly kid who always had at least two ice packs going (and now does handsprings across the floor).
There’s Marissa, who just kinda stood there (she still does that, but she’s really good at catching).
There’s Matt, the cocky popular kid who had prematurely large biceps (his biceps are still huge, but he’s really nice now).
And, of course, there’s me. The skinny kid with the oversized head who was terrified of moths (he’s much bigger now, but is still terrified of moths).