The Scarlet Litter

Feline maid.

Feline maid.

Do you ever get the feeling that you are underappreciated?

Do you put the needs of others before your own? Are you constantly trying to appease someone who seems to deliberately withhold their approval?

You must have a cat, too.

Like all cats, our cat, who is named Cat, is hard to please. Whether we are trying to get him to eat his five-dollar-a-can, gourmet special diet rabbit and peas breakfast, sharpen his nails on the cardboard scratching board and not our sofa, or sharpen his nails on the sofa and not our flesh, it is a constant struggle to get Cat to play by the rules. Here’s the problem: Cat knows we like him.

I’ll give you a perfect example of how Cat takes this knowledge for granted. This morning, I was late for work. I had just gotten my arms through my pant legs when a piercing, guttural MEOW emanated from the basement and knocked several framed photos off the bedroom walls. Because Cat has thoroughly trained myself and Wife, I instantly knew what was wrong: his litter box needed to be changed.

Normally, Wife changes Cat’s litter box. This is part of a system that splits the various household chores down the middle. Basically, I do the chores Wife hates, and vice versa. [Russian accent] “It work like charm.” Unless, of course, Wife is already at work. Like she was this morning.

Not wanting Cat to spend his ample free time today plotting to kill me, I knew I had no choice but to change the box myself. So I did what anybody in a relationship based entirely on fear would do: I got down on my hands and knees and cleaned filth.

When I was done, I exited the bathroom juggling disinfectant, paper towels, and a garbage bag filled with dirty litter.

Cue Cat, strutting past me to use his fresh box, as if he were a businessman waiting impatiently to use the executive bathroom I, the lowly janitor, had just cleaned.

I have never felt dirtier in my entire life.


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17 thoughts on “The Scarlet Litter

  1. So are you going to buy one of those cat boxes that self-cleans? I love how the commercial tries to sell it as an awesome time and self-respect saver, yet blithely ignores the fact that the poop doesn’t just disappear, and eventually you must need to do SOMETHING to be rid of it.

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  2. Living with one myself. Currently recovering from a urinary tract blockage. Fighting me on the pills, lots of bloodshed….. On a hunger strike because he does not appreciate the food the vet says he must eat. I am the recipient of so many hostile glares that it is coming very close to destroying my self worth. Why, oh why, do we put up with this abuse….

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